A few months ago, I went to a mom’s night out with a bunch of women I didn’t really know.
We all had one thing in common – our kids had just started preschool at our local neighborhood school.
About an hour (and a few bottles of pinot) in, the movie Up was mentioned. You know the one. The Pixar film with the house full of balloons that takes flight. The one with the heartbreakingly sweet montage in the beginning.
One mom had recently watched it with her kiddo, but had forgotten about the miscarriage scene until she was sobbing in front of her 4 year old. She shared with the group that she had experienced a miscarriage a few years prior. That was all it took.
The floodgates were opened.
For the rest of the night, 7 near-strangers shared experiences of loss, struggle, infertility and hope for the future. One mom revealed that she almost hadn’t come out that night, because she had suffered a miscarriage earlier that week. I was so proud of her strength and candor. Another mom talked about her IVF journey and how their last shot was the one that stuck. Someone else spoke about her previous desire to add to her family, but wasn’t sure if it would happen or if she still wanted it to.
It felt good to have honest conversations with people about subjects we tend to keep to ourselves.
How many people do we encounter on a daily basis that are silently struggling with fertility or infant loss. How many are longing for the segue to be able to talk about it? I’m pretty sure that every woman over the age of 30 has either had a miscarriage or knows someone who has. And every woman over 40 can say the same about infertility. That’s a lot of people waiting for the right opportunity to share.
Miscarriage. Infertility. IVF.
These are not bad words. These topics should not be taboo or uncomfortable. If you are able to talk about them casually – please do. It could have a profound effect on others. It could be as easy as mentioning the movie Up.
Since the moms night out, our group has formed an awesome bond, perhaps stronger than our kids. We’ve gone out socially, planned playdates, had an ever entertaining GIF filled group text chain and we catch up in person at pick-up/drop-off on the daily. I often reflect on the fast friendships that have formed and attribute a lot of it to the raw topics and openness we had the first night we hung out.
These ladies are also hella-cool, so that helps too.